June 02, 2008

Racist rant

As a heterosexual, southern, white male I am a privileged member of the last official group of people on the face of the planet that it is ok to make fun of. How many "redneck" photo essays have you been forwarded in your email? Television programs do little to help, from the old Hatfield/Mckoy cartoons all the way up to Family Guy, we have been a target for the media, on all levels. We have been referred to as "angry white males" and "nascar dads". I guess when we see a news crew arriving on the scene after the tornado has demolished our neighborhood; we rip our shirts off, yank out a few teeth and go into a dead run for the camera as well. I don't even want to get into the tv show cops… The question remains, who is there to speak for us, this small demographic of quickly fading white guys? The answer is no one at all.
As victims of white guilt we have been made to feel that our very existence is an abomination. We are the original blue eyed devils from the far north that arrived on these shores hundreds of years ago and laid waste to the peaceful, nature loving native Americans. We are the descendants of Scottish outcasts that settled in the mountains here in the south and invented ebonics, not to mention incest… We are the same people who traveled to the peaceful, quiet, beautiful shores of the African continent and stole everyone we could find to sell them into slavery (bringing about all the starvation, corruption, and political strife that still exists there today). We have torn the middle east into pieces and ruined the peace loving religion of islam for decades, until the righteous bring about our downfall. We almost split this country in two because we just couldn't give up owning black people. We marry our sisters, are completely ignorant & uneducated, hell we are even the most violent group of people alive today. We were created in a laboratory by an evil mad scientist, if you follow brother farrakhan. This was back in the day when black people had wings and flew around the pyramids, look it up, I am not kidding. An aside here, google this guy, farrakhan, and read his speeches, then google parliament funkadelic and read their lyrics… I do believe minister farrakhan had a bad trip in the seventies. The playlist for the clones of dr. funkenstein reads like one of farrakhan's many rants. They both speak of the mother ship coming down to pick them up; you think him & george know something we don't? I'll bet its sting-ray behind it all anyway, he looks like an alien….
If we mention obama and his lack of practical experience for the presidency, we are racist. If we mention anything at all to do with race, we are racist. How far would a "white miss America pageant" go? The white congressional caucus? You could attempt to escape it by moving away from the south and becoming enlightened, but its still in your blood, feel the guilt permeate through you. We are rednecks and there is nothing we can do about it. We realize our place in the world now, we were wrong to ever doubt the wisdom and knowledge of people from the rest of the country. We shall promise to wear only the latest fashions, stop watching nascar, allow our children to adopt a hip hop attitude towards women & crime, wash the dishes more often, speak no ill words when we are told what to do by our spouses, not argue with anyone at work when we are attacked by the obviously more educated person from another region of the country when they backstab us for the promotion, we concede. We shall fade into the night and allow you to delete us from this nations pages of history. Where does it all stop? It doesn't. That's the cross we carry until we exist no more.
We are surely the personification of evil on this planet and all of this society's woes can be attributed to us. Where would we as a culture in total be if it weren't for us white, inbred rednecks? Better off I can assure you, we have offered nothing worthwhile to history at all have we?


Jules said...

You guys do seem to catch quite a bit of flack these days...

Anonymous said...

It's sad. No one's racist except for us white folk anymore. People of other races can say and do anything they want to each other and it's all in fun, but if a white man says anything they're racists and must be shunned. It would help if people actually knew the difference between racism and bigotry.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the angry georgian.You have to watch your p and q's or you are in trouble.