God, religion, bitches and shit...

The biggest problem I have with people in general is hypocrisy. The soap box arena is peppered with topics that could cause someone to sit and write for hours, eventually all of them come down to just plain talking out of your ass.

I read musings by people that profess to be something that they aren't. They have no sense of humor and can't begin to understand what people are really like. I'm reclusive by nature, well it started out by nature, coming from a painful shyness, but has developed over time to being reclusive by choice...

When I deal with people in groups I give the benefit of the doubt. Going to a bad restaurant for example... The service is bad, the food not so good, the floors dirty, etc etc.. I don't usually complain while I'm there. I just don't go back. I'm not going to waste my time sending food back unless its something really just wrong, like a hair or bug in the food, or, as happened one time, the food smells exactly like fecal matter... If I order it well done and its medium, meh.. no big deal. Julie and I went to O'Charley's in Newnan once and watched our waitress talking up a guy near the bar who was finished eating. We waited for a long time, this was back in the day when there were smoking sections. I asked for an ashtray and she told me to go ahead and light up, she would be right back with it... Then she poured her special friend another glass of beer from a pitcher and stood there for a while longer as my smoke burned down. When it had reached 'critical' stage and needed to be flicked I called out to her and she turned around and told me to just "ash on the floor" So I did... I sat as she continued to talk to captain super stud until my smoke had burned all the way down to the filter and I lit another. When that smoke had burned down almost to the filter I heard her tell her buddy, "I'll run and get your check..." As she passed the table with a big grin, I said, "How about that ashtray.." as I motioned to my current smoke and the butt sitting balanced on end on the table. She responded quickly with, "How 'bout you hold on a minute!" and kept walking... Everyone around us heard that remark and began whispering to one another. Julie and I promptly got up and left. I haven't been back to an O'Charley's since... I let people go on... I watch, and I listen.

I read all over the place about people going to church when the door is open and how without the love of God they wouldn't be where they are now, but then read the same people talking about the free for all beach vacations they enjoyed while in an alcohol induced state of relaxation at the wet t-shirt bar late into the evening every night they're in town, then they send me constant invitations to join them next Sunday. I wasn't the least bit surprised when I read the pew report that stated agnostics and atheists know more about religion than Christians, Muslims, Jews and Hindus do...

In general, people are just shit. They think nothing of stopping in the middle of the road to speak on the phone, or of tailgating you when you're going ten miles an hour over the speed limit flipping you off the entire time, fishtailing their '73 impala to pull out in front of you then turn left in a tenth of a mile, or holding up the line in the store to get "two of the win for life, six of the dollar daze, four of the two dollar scratch offs, and oh yeah give me twenty in cash back..." Getting behind the guy at the drive through at the bank that decides now is the perfect time to do all of his quarterly book keeping is always a treat as well... We live in a society where people think it's ok to sit in front of you and call DCFS to report someone who's kids have on dirty clothes, but then an hour later will run their own children out of the room when the meth delivery gets there...

Sometimes it's entertaining to watch the hate that pours from people control them and their moods. But sometimes it's a bit wearisome... When someone asks me what the secret to staying married is, I let them go on for a while as they tell me all about their trouble with their spouse, how they can't help cheating on each other, or don't understand why they do what they do... When they have unburdened themselves I always ask them why they are telling me when they should be telling their spouse. Some people get pissed, some sit for a moment then get it. We have lost the art of conversation, we can't communicate unless there's a keyboard in front of us. Unfortunately, most people are going for approval and vindication rather than truth.

My father told me once that the best time to work something out in your mind is late at night when you're lying in bed and everyone else is asleep, because then there isn't anyone around to lie to. We have all been there, the moment when we must simply face the truth of ourselves, and most of us do not like what we see. God knows I didn't like what I saw several years ago and I made the decision to let it all go. I live with the ramifications of bad decisions I've made when I see people that snub me now that once spoke to me, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.

I know where I'm at, I know where it is that I'm headed to, and I know where I've been. I know what shape my soul is in, and I know the content of my character. I feel pretty good about it all. I put up with a lot less shit than I used to, I get tickled by people that think they are superior, and saddened by people that get genuinely hurt by others selfish acts...

The one redeeming factor has been the people of a gentle and genuine spirit that I have encountered along the way, they have greatly enriched my life, whether I let them know it or not...

All in all, it has been one long, strange trip indeed...