Getting the Fear

It's always been things not looked for that have frightened me the most, the unexpected. I was hanging out at my parents house late one evening when I saw a strange person. My cousin was spending the night and we had been playing basketball. My brother, my cousin and myself were finished with the game and we made our way over to the patio. The only light on was the one that illuminated the driveway, it cast a dim glow across maybe one third of the patio, which is a poured concrete slab that runs the length of the back of the house, about twelve feet wide. We were sitting around the table at the edge of the light bouncing the basketball around while making fun of each others performance during the game. Someone passed the ball and it bounced off of my foot and rolled toward the dark end of the patio. I ran over to get it and was talking to the guys while I was doing so. I bent down to pick it up and glanced up, only to look directly at the silhouette of a person sitting in a broken chair that had been discarded to the far end of the patio. I stood straight up and cocked my head to one side in curiosity, seemingly paralyzed about what should be done. We had been suffering strange occurrences lately via people stealing gas and attempting to break in. My first thought was to call for my dad. Without warning or thought I began to walk directly toward the figure. That was the strangest walk of my life, I was totally overcome with fear and had to will each step. When I was close enough to discern it was a slender male figure, he got up and ran around the corner of the house towards the front yard. I stopped and called out to my brother and cousin. We spent the rest of the night listening, in complete terror, at open windows for the return of the prowler.

Shortly after we had moved out here I was with my parents one evening at church. We left and I rode on the back of the truck home. I was sitting in the corner directly behind the driver's side when we pulled into someones driveway. My parents had stopped off at a neighbors house to talk about something going on at church. Exiting the truck, they told me they would be done in a few minutes and we would then head home. I sat there for a while listening to crickets and frogs in the darkened woods. I had my left arm up on the bed of the truck behind the cab when I simply looked through the window. The most hideously contorted face of abject horror was staring back at me. I tried my best to scream, but no sound would come out. I was completely paralyzed with fear. I could not take my eyes from from this creature. The thing was just on the other side of the glass from me, I was looking face to face with death itself. It was night, the only illumination was from a street light casting everything into shades of black and white. For a full twenty seconds I knew it was my time to die. Then I realized it was the neighbors pekingese when it stuck it's tongue out and began to pant. Waves of relief washed over me with the thought that I had cheated death.

I was walking down our drive way late one night a while back when something huge jumped from the woods, landed directly in front of me, and made the most horrible grunting sound I've ever heard. It began to run towards our home and I could do nothing but stand and stare as I was so riveted to the spot with fear. When it rounded the curve in the driveway and was hit by the porch light I saw that it was a deer. But I had a few moments of not knowing, and believe me I had elevated that deer to the heights of a huge creature of some hellish origin by the time it took shape in the light...

I have always been fascinated with the topic of fear. I've seen most movies that deal with it. I spent a large portion of time when I was younger wanting to work for Tom Savini and even have a copy of Dawn of the Dead autographed by the guy. Yet, I have never been truly frightened by a movie. I tend to like movies that aren't violent but more scary, like The Changeling with George C. Scott. It's the fear that's addictive, more so than the gore. Charles Manson used to make his followers break into a random house and then stand in the living room completely still as the people that lived there slept. He called this "getting the fear." He said that you are only truly aware of your surroundings when you are in a complete state of fear. The rush of adrenaline heightens your senses to be sure...

I read an article many years ago that I have no trouble buying into. The topic of the piece was automatic repression. Imagine something so outside of the realm of possibility happening to you that it simply erases itself from your conscience thought as soon as it occurs. Someone you know for a fact to be dead walks into the room as you're watching television and sits down on the couch next to you. You simply look at that person then continue channel surfing without missing a beat. I think that could be completely possible.

I listened to my niece telling me that her daughter had a conversation with a member of the family after he passed away. I listened to her not with skepticism about what she was saying, but with a slight cold chill, because at the same time this happened, I was listening to James talking to the same person while he was asleep. The conversations they had were eerily similar.

Have you ever been asleep and awaken suddenly, and you weren't sure why? Have you ever really felt the presence of someone in the room as you were lying in bed? Have you ever seen a loved one right after the time of their death? Did you ever think you caught something out of the corner of your eye, but you just weren't sure?

Earlier I sat down here to write a post about this past weekend. As I sat here one of the dogs brushed my leg and walked under the desk towards their hiding place behind the couch. I pushed the dog away with my usual annoyed grunt of, "Get on.." Then looked over toward the front door, as I did I noticed that the dogs are all asleep on the floor. I have counted them about a dozen times since I started typing this, and yes... They are all accounted for. For several seconds the wires under the desk swayed back and forth from whatever it was that walked behind the couch. I can't decide if I should get up and leave, risking certain death from an attack by this demon behind the couch, or just sit here and continue to rapid fire type about shit that scares me...

Yes.. I have the fear....