March 15, 2009
Rarely do I remember dreams... When I do it's generally just snippets that make no sense. I have little interest in dream interpretation, and when you begin to discuss dreams, that always seems to be the direction that is taken.
Last night I had a dream of flying. It started in the backyard of my mother's house. There was a pulley configuration set into the gutter that runs the length of the back of the house. A long cable ran from the pulley to me. I was standing in the yard and began to run back and forth, all to the tune of ben taylor. When I had made several passes through the yard I began to take the same path in the air, it was a joyous thing. I felt like a kid on a ride at at a theme park. It was dark and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, the stars were ridiculously bright as I continued to hold onto the cable and ride the pulley back and forth across the yard. I began to slowly turn flips and hold on, laughing and enjoying the experience. As I rode the pathway, gaining altitude, I decided to let go and head out over the trees.
There was nothing more gracious, I soared above the trees and stayed just even with tops. I went for several miles and saw nothing but trees and night sky as I turned over and over, first looking through the trees, then staring up at the sky as I would flip over. The air was wet with the coming Spring and smelled heavily of honeysuckle.
Some time passed and I continued to explore, enjoying the sight of familiar places from a different vantage point. No people on the ground seemed to notice me as I made my way around town. Once through town I made my way back north thinking of looking around Atlanta, when I spotted a fire in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by black trees, there was a clearing that had a huge fire set in its center and several people gathered around it, I decided to investigate.
As I closed in I began to see who these people were. Everyone from my past that has passed away. They seemed to be sitting silently waiting for me to approach them. The air turned cold as I landed just outside the light of the fire and they were all bundled against the frigid temperatures. They shot me glances as I walked into the group and took what was obviously a seat left vacant for me.
I had the overwhelming feeling that what was about to take place would be very similar to an elementary school visit to the principals office. Once I was in place a cousin near my age stood and began to explain what this was.
"Tonight we have come to you during a time preset for discussion of things that have left a feeling of anger and exhaustion in their wake." To say the least I felt intrigued, yet at the same time I felt slightly worried. He had a look about him of a tired traveler, wrapped against the bite of cold weather. Indeed, as I looked around the group of familiar faces they all looked very serious and rather careworn. He stoked the fire a bit and searched the other peoples eyes before walking toward me and sitting on a bench that was suddenly there. He adjusted his clothing after he sat down and stared into my eyes, Leaning forward, he continued.
"There were times in the past when I came to you to ask advice on matters I deemed important. It is time for me to return the favor... Over the years you have watched as those around you have moved through life losing and gaining in their kind. The core of this moment in your existence finds matters relating to these same thoughts weighing heavy on your mind. I am here to let you know that these things have a direction and course that must be followed and is designed to achieve outcomes that are important for each in turn." There were murmurs moving through those gathered at these words, they seemed to be voicing agreement as if it was the simplest and safest way forward.
My voice sounded strangely distant as I said, "The tribulations and designs of those around me mean little to my existence, their problems are their own to deal with"
"Exactly my point." He stood and walked around the bench to the fire and warmed his hands.. Looking suddenly amused he cut his eyes toward me and said, "Do you think that your opinion in these matters is important enough to give them time?"
"Well my friend, you are wrong."
"Give them time, ponder the situations, yet let them have no hold on you."
"If they are to have no hold on me, why give them time? So that I may learn from them? What do I have to learn from situations such as this?"
He laughed out loud, carrying me back through time to places and days long past, when forts and explosions were the order of the day. Summer sweat and noise were the things important to me then... not much else. I sat lost in memories from my childhood, his laughter intertwined with the visions and morphed into the soundtrack of my life. I saw all the things laid out before me that I had done, thought and witnessed. Then I began to worry....
"Have no fear.. you aren't going to die." His voice was amused as he read the thought in my mind. "What you have to learn from this is what not to do..."
The laughter rang out from all around the fire and changed over to the sound of the crackling of the wood as the flames licked the way through their hidden pathways in the logs. I felt a bit uncomfortable and adjusted myself, waiting on some sort of admonishment for my actions. That moment never came.
"Everything is simple." He continued... "Nothing is or has to be complicated, machinations always show themselves for what they are, a waste of time... people that give themselves over to anger, jealously and pettiness live that way and eventually die that way. There exists for them a constant battle and weariness in their lives. They label themselves victims while not seeing the complete bullshit they bring about. For them life is pain, yet they don't know why. Life is actually very simple and there is no reason not to enjoy it. It's all music."
"What do I do about it?"
"Just live.. don't talk about it, never discuss what it is that you want to do, just simply act on it. You don't have a long time here, enjoy what is while you can."
"Exactly how long do I have here?"
"As long as you do."
He laughed again.. "There is very little that actually changes with time."
Many things were Then said as I listened.
I sat for a moment and pondered what I had heard.. Then decided that I should be on my way. I walked back to the edge of the clearing. When I passed close by him I couldn't resist.. I leaned in and said, "What happens when you die?"
He smirked a little and said, "Nothing."
When I awoke this morning I felt profoundly moved. I wrote this out and couldn't decide whether or not I wanted to post it. Obviously I did.. Seventeen hours after I wrote it... several more things were heard around that fire, but this was the only portion of the exchange that I shall ever repeat.